Students from the United States, meanwhile, came in seventeenth in reading, twenty-third in science, and an especially demoralizing thirty-first in math. This last ranking put American kids not just behind the Chinese, the Koreans, and the Singaporeans but also after the French, the Austrians, the Hungarians, the Slovenians, the Estonians, and the Poles.
The Tiger Mother, America’s Top Parent | The New Yorker
Secretary of Education, told the Times. Why is this? Americans have been told always to encourage their kids. This, the theory goes, will improve their self-esteem, and this, in turn, will help them learn. After a generation or so of applying this theory, we have the results. Just about the only category in which American students outperform the competition is self-regard. Among Singaporean students, eighteen per cent said they usually did well in math; forty-four per cent qualified as advanced. As the Brookings researchers pointed out, even the least self-confident Singaporean students, on average, outscored the most self-confident Americans.
Our problems as a country cannot, of course, be reduced to our problems as educators or as parents. Nonetheless, there is an uncomfortable analogy. For some time now, the U. At least as emotional are the posts from Asians and Asian-Americans. Memoir is, or at least is supposed to be, a demanding genre. It requires that the author not just narrate his or her life but reflect on it.
By her own description, Chua is not a probing person.
When i lived with my dad and step mom, my step mom was a yeller, she grounded, and put you in the corner. The difference was my mom was never punished growing up. My step mom didn't have punishments either that I feel she had to be in control or she was powerless. However Chua decided to punish her kids was her way of doing it.
We will always judge someone else way of it. I was glad to see that even though Ms. Chua stated this was a Chinese cultural way to raise children that in fact that was not true. I like many of the Amazon reviews believe that if she was not claiming this was a cultural phenomenon then she would be considered a child abuser.
The methods used by are her are psychologically damaging to a developing mind and will forever effect the individuals self esteem. There is a difference between teaching a child to live up to their full potential and making them feel like they will never be good enough. I personally feel like the way her parenting skills are as far as how she sets up her child's daily schedule is ridiculous.
I think it really matters on where you raise a child and the culture you are in. I feel as if you could ruin a child if you do not allow them to be a child. The child's social skills could be off and could potentially mess them up when they get older. It some skills a child has to learn on their own and some of them are the lessons that are life changing. I understand she wants the best for her child, but there are limitations to everything.
Chinese parenting has a life of its own according to the article. The many opinions of Chinese Americans stating that this is a misconception of them speaks volumes. Obviously this was one mothers take on her life and her parenting skills. From the reading it does not seem that she is trying to represent the entire society. Chua has a unique take on raising her children, this does not mean it is for everyone. Also, readers are responsible with what they take from it.
She was writing about her life and her thoughts, this is something she felt needed to be addressed, as family they seem to be striving and successfully doing so. From the looks from these comments it is not hard to tell that a lot of these people are not in favor of the Tiger mom parenting style. Everyone has their way of parenting, and that is what makes it unique. Chua wrote about her parenting and what works for her but not writing for China as a whole.
You want the best for your children, and as much as you would like to control their life, it's not ideal. Children need room to make mistakes because if they don't, they will never learn. My mom was a pusher but not very pushy. She rewarded me when brought home good grades but I was never punished for making anything less than an A. There has to be a balance, and if you are too strict then you can push them away emotionally.
I haven't read this book, but the reviews have definitely raised my curiosity. I don't like to judge how anyone raises their child. However, I am a little confused on how she wrote a book about Chinese parenting when she wasn't born or raised in China. None the less, she has the right to write about her life and may be a role model for some.
I agree with you in that there is no humor in this and the people that approve of Chua's way of parents should cause concern because no child should have to go through that. Every child should be able to make their own choice on what they want to do with their lives and it shouldn't be dictated by their parents. After reading this article, I can only thing of one question that comes to mind, is the author a survivor of this type of parenting and believes that it is supreme because it worked for her. I do like that many Chinese Americans spoke out about this book and they all had many different opinions on this book.
One opinion that was universal was the fact that her book was biased and the measures of parenting that she described was stretched. I can't help but to think Amy Chua is a very insecure lady who needs her children's accomplishments to cover up her insecurities. This to me seems like a dictatorship, and just like oppressed people in countries where dictatorships rule, eventually those people either fight back or end up depressed because of their circumstances, these kids will do the same. Childhood is a time for structure, but it is also a time for creativity and exploration.
This should not be taken away from them. Some of the worlds most influential people came up with thier ideas while just sitting there, being bored. Those moments are when a person can really think and find what they are passionate about. After reading this article it makes you wonder if Amy Chua was trying to make her self believe that her type of parenting is a Culture thing.
If this is so is she trying to make her self feel better or make people think that all Chinese mothers are Tiger Parents. I think we see these types of mothers in the United States as well, I think they are trying to make themselves feel like they are Superior by the achievements of their children. To me they are just narcissistic! There are two things I would like to address.
The accuracy of Amazon reviews as a means of gathering well-rounded opinions of all readers and the validity Amy Chua's "Tiger Mother". It is true that many consumers use Amazon for purchasing books. However, most people do not want to take the time to give reviews. The people that give reviews are often ones that are motivated enough by personal beliefs and strong opinions. Readers that are more neutral are often going to be passive and not motivated to write a review. Secondly, the writer is clearly not giving a clear representation of what she says she means and what she actually writes.
Her book is not meant to be satirical, yet it is.
- Unmarried Woman, An;
- Prendo a calci il sole. Bahia, i bambini, la strada (Italian Edition).
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- A Village Not So Green (John Harper Series Book 1).
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- Tiger parents;
The only other option would be that she massively lacks humanity. This could be the case, but either way, this book does not sound like it should be getting the serious attention we are giving it. Those who were raised in the "tiger mother" type of fashion while exposed to western culture all appear to have nothing but negative attitudes about it. Is this negative attitude due to the exposure to "western parenting? In China, a child under "Chinese parenting" would not have the opportunity to compare their childhood to the childhood of a western individual.
So without comparison, these individuals might never think twice about the harsh childhood that they experienced. What this all boils down to is relativity. One might think that "Chinese parenting" is the worst thing for a child, while the other party would think the same about "Western parenting. If it doesn't prove to be beneficial, change the style. It seems as if from the outside, that everyone sees the "tiger mom" as a very successful form of parenting.
But the individuals actually experiencing the "tiger mom" parenting sees the flaws in it and disproves of it. I find it curious that it is obviously effective but is not liked. Wow, nearly every review severely condemns the "tiger mom" approach to parenting, but I think it would be interesting to see some reviews representing broader ranges of opinions. Perhaps adding reviews from other audiences rather than choosing them from one source would contribute to a more accurate representation of how Chinese Americans feel about Chua's book.
I have not read this book, but after reading these reviews I must say I am curious to see what Chua wrote. After reading this article and the comments about the book itself, I feel this author should feel remorse about her wording in her book. While I personally don't believe in a dictatorship being an effective parenting style, I think every parent is entitled to their own opinion. I don't know how anyone could think constantly putting their child down would be beneficial, but if that is the only example they have, that person might not know the difference.
As far as the racial profiling, I think China already has a bad stereotype for their parenting styles, so I don't think this book helps the case for them. Overall, I don't believe this book is something I would want to read, as I think by some of the Amazon comments it would make me cringe. I also don't blame the Chinese-Americans for giving this book one star.
It puts a negative light on that community as a whole. Some people are really mad at Chua because of the things mentioned in her book. Maybe if she wouldn't have specified it as "Chinese mothers" style of parenting many people wouldn't be so angry. It does create a certain stereotype about Chinese mothers so I feel as though they have a right to disagree and be furious with her.
She does have some valid points, though. Nobody fully understands the full intent of a book besides the author. Even though I have not read this book, perhaps Chua could have written this book as a way to cope with her own tiger mother and make light of this embedded parenting style that has translated in her own rearing of children. However, some critics do not see that.
Chua could be trying to juxtapose Western vs. Non-Western parenting styles through her novel. She could be showing envy of the Western parenting she never had through her harsh remarks and motherhood. The different points of view about Tiger Moms are mostly valid in their own respects. The style that Tiger Moms use for parenting can seem extreme to some, but it may also seem reasonable and normal to others. People's opinions of Tiger Moms stem from how they were raised and the values that they have.
Peter Gray, Ph. Part two: overcoming the social isolation society has imposed on children. Part one: irrational societal fears can paralyze parents and harm children. Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help. Back Magazine. Subscribe Issue Archive. Back Today. When Should You Share a Secret? Peter Gray Ph. Friend me on Faceook.
Amazon reviews show many Chinese Americans angered and insulted by Chua's book. Gender break-out Submitted by Peter Gray Ph. From my experience Submitted by Mashayla Wright on June 22, - pm. Tigers Submitted by Devon hagood on June 23, - am. Dr Gray Thank you for both of your articles about Amy Chua's book and your insightful reviews. Free speech Submitted by KarenW on March 18, - pm. Value of the book Submitted by Peter Gray Ph.
KarenW It is a country of free speech that we all value and enjoy. I was just wondering if Submitted by ScottB on November 14, - pm.
Tiger Moms: Is Tough Parenting Really the Answer?
My personal concern is that Submitted by Kristal Mackey on March 30, - pm. Expectations Submitted by Daniel Colasanto on March 30, - pm. Parenting styles will differ Submitted by Keirsten Seahorn on March 31, - pm. Tiger Mom's may not have to Submitted by Olivia on April 1, - pm. Balance Submitted by Ben East on April 1, - pm.
Personal choice Submitted by Madison on April 1, - pm. One does not mean all Submitted by Erin Brown on April 1, - pm. Different name, same pattern Submitted by Kortney on April 1, - pm. Tiger moms are dangerous Submitted by Michelle L on June 22, - pm. Tiger mom Submitted by Kalee Holloway on June 23, - am.
Parenting Submitted by Ana Torres on June 23, - am. Everyone has their way of Submitted by Jamika Williams on June 23, - pm. I haven't read this book, but Submitted by Catina on June 23, - pm. I agree with you in that Submitted by Lauren Miller on October 24, - pm. Reflection of the Author? Submitted by Massie Gray on October 24, - pm. After reading this article it Submitted by Misty Kimberlin on October 26, - pm.
Incongruent Submitted by Victoria Viera on October 26, - pm. It seems as if from the Submitted by Jake Dunn on October 27, - pm. Wow, nearly every review Submitted by Hannah Deputy on October 28, - pm. Racist book Submitted by Sydney Stanton on October 28, - pm. Views Submitted by Tanisha O on October 28, - pm. Coping Submitted by Mercedes T on March 21, - pm. Previous Page 1 current Next. Post Comment Your name. E-mail The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
Notify me when new comments are posted. All comments. Replies to my comment. Leave this field blank. About the Author. In Print:. Author website, Free to Learn. These parents are most likely authoritarian. Pros: Raising a child in this way can lead to them being more productive, motivated and responsible. Cons: Children can struggle to function in daily life or in new settings, which may lead to depression, anxiety and poor social skills.
They described helicopter parents as being confused about the difference between love and saving children from themselves.
By hovering around they may think children will be inoculated against failing. These parents are probably a mix or authoritarian and permissive typologies, but there is scant research on the style. Pros: Parents can be overprotective , which may save their child or adolescent from problems they would not foresee. Cons: Children can lack emotional resilience and independence , which can affect them into adulthood. Being a child of a helicopter parent may lead to an inability to control behaviour. It appears the term was coined by former high school teacher David McCullough.
In , he published a book, You Are Not Special , in which he implores parents to back off and let their children fail. It was based on a commencement speech he gave to high school students. However, they also score highly for permissiveness. That being said, the pros and cons are probably similar to helicopter parents. These parents can help children feel safe and secure. But it may also foster a sense of entitlement or narcissism in your child.
Type of parent: You believe your role is to trust your child. You equip them with the skills to stay safe, and then back off. The book was about fighting the perception the world was getting more dangerous. Why parents choose this style: Psychologists and experts suggest this style is a backlash against anxiety-driven , risk-averse child rearing.
It may be that Skenazy is right, we are worrying too much about everything from germs to other people.